


The Magic of Your Touch

by NightingalesAndHandGrenades (NightingalesAndLions)



Category: Generation Kill
Genre: F/F, F/M, OT4, OT4 drabbles, generation kill appreciation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 17:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5594605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightingalesAndLions/pseuds/NightingalesAndHandGrenades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some days when Walt misses Brad more than he normally does. They call and email but it's limited and never enough. He loves Ray and Nate, but sometimes Brad is the only thing that keeps him sane and happy. Nobody said, that this was going to be life after the war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Will Find Our Way

There are days when Walt misses Brad. He misses Brad like air and it leaves him unhappy and unsociable. He doesn’t talk to Ray or Nate about it, but they know anyway. On the days when Walt wakes up and has that pain in his chest, he needs to be alone. Maybe go out and ride Brad’s bike. He never does, because those bikes are Brad’s babies and he would most likely crash and burn if he tried. Brad takes him out on one of those sometimes to catch the wind and have that adrenaline rush pumping blood in Walt’s ears.

After getting out of the military, Walt decided that going to school would be good, and is now using the GI Bill benefits while trying to start a business. Looking back, when they were all rolling through Iraq, Walt never thought that this would be where he’d end up. It’s good, though, and it keeps his shooting skills in a top shape. 

Quite a few veterans go into contracting or security afterwards, many – start businesses that are still somewhat connected to this other life. Walt is no different. He finds his niche, and with enough encouragement from Ray, Nate and Brad, starts going into the direction of firearms and security. 

He takes over a company whose name has been destroyed due to poor management and crap bosses, and vows to build it up again, make it better and stronger than it ever was.  
Nate goes to school too, except he goes to Harvard. Well, no surprises there, really. Walt has always known how intelligent Nate is, and his time in the military has only sharpened the intellect as well as added a pinch of ruthlessness to Nate Fick.

At some point they all end up together. Walt has battled his feelings for Brad and Ray ever since they were put in the same Recon team, and the whole ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ thing has been like an itch under his skin, so when they get out, he finally asks Ray out on a date. 

It kind of grows from there. One step at a time, one date follows another, and at some point there’s all four of them. It’s a slow and gradual process, but Walt doesn’t really complain. 

They end up buying a house together, because it’s the most logical way. Besides, if they are simply ‘sharing’ a house, nobody asks questions they are not ready to answer.   
None of them want to screw up Brad’s career, and Nate’s job doesn’t look too kindly on people from the LGBTQ community, even though there are changes in motion. They are marines, and marines simply are not a part of all that.

Walt remembers Trombley’s comments, and they always make him wince. The kid has a lot to learn about life, and Walt thinks that becoming a recon marine was definitely not the way to teach him any manners or tolerance. It just gave him the opportunity to be a sadistic fuck on a couple of camels.

Walt knows that Trombley is a good kid. There is more of a bark and there is bite, but those kind of comments have never quite sat well with Hasser. He learned to keep his mouth shut, but the way Ray and Brad were glaring at the kid, he knew they knew. 

So they all fall into a routine. House, school, work, gym, running, football… it’s all there. They share the housework and cooking and buying groceries. Walt is home the most, so he takes it upon himself to make sure the laundry is done and there is food in the fridge. He can easily do all of those things in-between studying and writing assignments, and making phone calls.

He gets up after Ray and Nate have both left. Class doesn’t start until later, so he has time. He misses Brad’s easy smiles and his eyes. Waking up next to Brad is always a treat.  
They don’t get to see a lot of him. Between his job and deployments, he’s now gone more often than not. This is the last one, though, so they all soldier on. Brad’s transfer has been approved and because he’s getting a promotion, they are changing his duties. MCSC is gaining a very good officer and a smart guy in the process. After he comes back from the sandbox.

Currently he’s over there, shooting people and being shot at. This idea alone seems disturbing on a day like this. Walt looks at the photo on the wall in the hallway. They took it right before they shipped out from Iraq. Nate is smiling, his sandy hair shimmering in the afternoon light. Ray has one of the stupidest grins on his face, his arm slung casually around Walt’s shoulders. Walt himself looks tired but relieved. Iraq didn’t really agree with him. Brad is there as well. He’s smiling and Walt can’t remember what they were talking about.

Evan took the picture and later sent them a copy. It’s a great picture. There are few of those on the wall. Rudy’s grinning from one, hell; even Ferrando is in one of those. No Sixta or Captain America, though. Fucking Sixta.

He thinks about calling Rudy. If there is anybody from the Corps who knows how Walt feels, it’s Rudy. The brotherhood they have developed is even stronger in Rudy, who always knows just what to say. Yeah, Walt is going to call Rudy after class. Rudy never makes him feel like he’s bothering the other guy, he’s always willing to talk to Walt, and Walt doesn’t feel guilty afterwards. 

You would never know looking at a man like Rudy Reyes. Confidence is oozing out of him, and he always makes people around him smile, feel motivated and somewhat better. If you dig deeper, it has come for a price for the guy. A lot of hard work has gone into shaping and moulding the body, mind and spirit to become once again a part of the day-to-day world.

He doesn’t say that to Ray or Nate, because Nate gets upset about things like that. He has this need to fix stuff and help, but Walt doesn’t think Nate can help. Unless he can ship Brad home safe and in one piece, and unharmed, Nate can only be there. Walt struggles with this. He doesn’t know how to talk to Nate about these thoughts he has, because Nate is the LT. Yes, technically, he’s a captain, but to Walt, Nate is always the LT.

And Ray doesn’t do emotional talk. He avoids that stuff like plague. Walt doesn’t push.

He misses Brad today. Walt realizes that once his brain has established all four of them at the house as the norm, missing a piece of it all just makes whole thing limp. Perhaps it’s the weather. When it gets hot and dry, it reminds him of Iraq. 

Their phone calls are limited and most of the time Brad talks to his parents or Nate. It’s such a complicated mess. Walt gets rid of the last coffee and slams the cup down in the sink with way more force than necessary. Why did he of all people have to come home from the war with three boyfriends who are so complicated and rub off on each other… Walt is surprised they haven’t killed each other yet. But, then again, Nate is too level headed for that and Brad is not here to rile Ray up.

Fuck this. He wants to hear Brad’s voice. Calculating the hours between them is easy as ever. Walt has mastered this art. He gets a hold of phone and dials the number, preparing for the waiting and the formalities. It never gets easier, the army makes sure of that.

“Colbert,” the answer is swift but Brad sounds tired.

“Hi, it’s me,” he says, but his voice doesn’t sound steady and he sits on the floor, back to the wall in their living room.

“Puppy,” he can hear the grin in Brad’s voice and that makes him smile as well. Brad’s joy is infectious.

“How are you doing? I don’t even know where you are,” they are not the next of kin, but nobody tells even the next of kin anything. It’s all very hush hush.

“Somewhere hot and sandy,” Brad says and Walt can almost taste the Iraq sand in his mouth. “We’re doing just fine. Most of the time it’s boring as shit. How are things back home?”

Home. Walt likes the sound of that.

“Not too bad. Nate’s doing well and Ray’s got a job and is all grown up now. Almost like a real adult,” that makes Brad chuckle. “We miss you.” _I miss you._

“I’m gonna be home in a couple of months tops, Pup. You’ve got to hold the fort while I’m over here twiddling my thumbs.”

“Yes, sir.” Walt has to smile about that. If there is something Iceman is not good at, it’s not doing something productive. He has to keep moving.

“I gotta go, pup, I’m on duty tonight” and with that they sign off.

“Stay frosty, Brad.” _I love you._

There is a sudden silence and Walt has to sigh. The rest of the day will probably be normal. He’ll go to class, come home, study, make dinner and then watch movies with Ray until Nate is going to stumble in. Then he is going to study some more and listen to his two boyfriends bicker about dirty socks and discarded towels in the bathroom. This normalcy makes Walt happy. It’s simple and easy and he’s sometimes surprised how fast they have taken to the almost married lifestyle.

Brad does say that they are almost married anyway. 

Maybe they could get kind of officially married someday. Have the ceremony and the rings, and the cake. Walt doesn't quite know how it would work, but it seems like one of those ideas they can work on.When Brad comes back and doesn't go back to a war zone. When he is not pushed back into the closet anytime he leaves to put on a uniform. But it's Brad's career and Walt respects that.


	2. Empty days like this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One step at a time is all he can do.

Going back to school is harder than Walt has imagined. The actual learning part is the easy bit. He enjoys it and he likes his classmates, but sometimes he cannot deal with people in general. If he is brutally honest with himself, on those days he misses being in Iraq with Ray and Brad, and yes, even Trombley.

Sometimes his peers engage in arguments about politics and war, and most of them have views that are set in stone, but the way they talk about Iraq or Afghanistan is nothing like Walt recalls it. He hasn’t told anybody he’s been in the marines or that he has personally seen the sandbox with his two eyes. He thinks it’s one of those things one must keep close to the chest. 

He meets people he likes, though, and they go out sometimes. It’s loud and it’s funny, and sometimes Ray comes too. Nate is not one for that sort of a thing, but he doesn’t mind his boys out and loud. He has, after all, seen it all anyway. He even picks them up from the bar and hauls them home. The first time it happened, Walt was afraid of disappointment. Maybe because Nate seems to be the responsible one, his disappointment usually makes Walt feel like a five year old who’s been caught with hands in the cookie jar.

Nate just shakes his head, kisses him and offers him painkillers. There is no disappointment, only love. Walt knows how to pay the kindness back, though, and he doesn’t hear Nate complaining. 

Sometimes he misses being deployed, though.

Life seemed easier then. Even with all the ambushes and hajis trying to light them all up. He didn’t have to make decisions that real life wants him to make. He just had to do his job.

Walt looks down in his coffee. It tasted all wrong and he thinks about re-enlisting. It would be hard, but he’s done it once. Gym and running every morning has kept him in shape, and he can always get Rudy to give him a tip or two to return to the form he was in when they rolled through the desert.

He thinks about Brad and his heart constricts. He worries. Brad is going to be fine, Ray is sure of it, Nate is sure, but Walt struggles. He knows Brad will do his best, but he also knows, that karma is a bitch.

He gets up and dumps the coffee in the sink, forgets about the class and drags himself upstairs, falling into bed and burying himself under the covers. Suddenly his muscles feel like they have been filled with led.

Walt has never considered himself to be the one to struggle with depression, but his head clearly knows that this is exactly that. He knows he possibly needs changes to happen, and he needs to be the one making them. It’s easier to sleep though. On days like this, he doesn’t go to class and allows himself to be lulled back to the land of dreams. 

It happens every now and then, when Walt will simply curl up under the covers and snooze for a couple of hours. It doesn’t make him feel any better or any more refreshed, only more tired, frustrated and nursing a headache. It still happens, and sometimes his boyfriends have to bear the burden of it. 

Sleep comes easy these days. Walt can sleep all day and keep sleeping the night after. He just turns on the other side and closes his eyes, praying that there would be no nightmares that night. Does he suffer from PTSD? He doesn’t think so. 

And that is what he does. 

The next time Walt wakes up, Nate is sitting on the bed next to him. He wants to say something, but Nate’s disapproving look makes Walt’s tongue stick to the root of his mouth and he swallows audibly, suddenly feeling five years old again. Nate always has had this air of authority about him and Walt just doesn’t want to mess with Nate Fick when he is in his Captain mode. He likes his skin intact, thank you very much.

“I think we need to talk,” Nate’s voice is strong but quiet and he takes off his tie, kicks off his shoes and slides under the covers next to Walt.

“Nate…” he gets out, before Nate’s finger touch his face and his brain suddenly clears of any thought that might have lingered there just a second ago.

Nate’s mouth seals over his own and Walt lets out a moan, when their tongues meet and dance with each other. It’s slow and sensual, and Walt suddenly doesn’t want it to end. Nate’s fingers slide to Walt’s hair and he deepens the kiss. There is a spark of arousal in Walt’s belly, like a candle – small but strong and steady. Eventually they have to come up for air and Nate’s face is just inches from his own, his eyes sparkling and lips swollen.

“What’s going on?” Nate finally asks and Walt closes his eyes to let out a shudder, which suddenly grips his body.

“I don’t know,” and that’s the truth. He can lie through his teeth to his professors or family, but he has never been able to do that with Nate Fick. Or Ray or Brad for that matter.  
They just simply see through it and call him out on the bullshit.

“You haven’t left the house the last three days and you have slept most of them, if not the Netflix, the Xbox or the trip to the kitchen,” Nate’s voice is not accusing and that calms Walt down. “The thing is, I’m OK with all of that, but your trips to the kitchen don’t really result in eating or socializing with me or Ray. And that worries me, pup”.

He doesn’t mind the nickname. Ray started it, then Brad caught it and now it has stuck. No, Walt really doesn’t mind… usually… except today it makes him feel like he’s a ticking time bomb. Like they are all looking at their stop watches and waiting for him to flip out or just admit failure at living. Would re-enlisting be like giving up or manning up?

“Just didn’t feel like it, I guess,” he tries, but his words fall flat and Nate looks ready to commit genocide.

“Walter Hasser, stop it right there,” he snaps, and Walt resist an urge to snap out of bed at attention and salute. “Talk to me. Something is on your mind and that means something is on all our minds, because we care”.

“I just miss Brad, I think. And the Corps” Nate’s fingers are warm against his skin and Walt leans into the touch. He misses this.

“We have all been pretty swamped with work and school,” Ray’s voice shakes Walt out if thought, and soon after, Ray slides into the bed on his other side. “I haven’t been the best boyfriend in the universe either”.

Walt wants to protest, looking at Ray with eyes as big as saucers. That’s not true. Ray is always there and so is Nate. They are a constant presence, except when they are not, because they are at work, at school or simply out for dinner or a drink or two. Walt hasn’t felt like having drinks in a long time. He doesn’t remember when they last had dinner together. 

“We get days like this too, you know? And it’s absolutely fine, but you got to talk to one of us… or both of us” Nate’s tone has lost the edge. He props himself up on an elbow to share a kiss with Ray for ‘hello’.

Walt just shrugs and stays silent. How does he explain the noise in his head and that little nagging voice bullying him into submission? Where does it stop? He’s not weak, for fuck’s sake, he’s a Recon Marine.  
Maybe he just needs to go out and forget about it. Just…take five and worry about it the next day. But that is exactly what he has been doing, and it doesn’t seem to be helping. He lets out a frustrated sigh, not knowing where to really start.  
“You have to let us in, pup” Ray says and kisses his cheek. “We are in this together, remember? Just missing Trombley and the Rolling Stone and then the gang is rolling again”.

“Right, enough is enough,” Nate says, pressing a kiss to Walt’s mouth and getting up. “We…are going out to grab a couple of drinks and burgers and we’ll talk, all right?”  
“Sounds good to me,” Ray pipes up, pulling Walt into a sitting position and then out of bed.

Walt thinks it sits right with him as well. Yes, he’d really like that.

He gets out of bed and hits the shower, which helps to clear his head from last of the cobwebs. Digging out a pair of jeans, a somewhat decent looking shirt and a pair of socks, he looks into the mirror to let his fingers slide through his still damp hair. 

The change of clothes has made him feel much better, and he walks downstairs feeling like a human again.

They go out and get food and Walt laughs at all of Ray’s stupid jokes. This seems more like the Ray he remembers from Iraq. The other Ray, the one that got out of the military is much more subdued and quiet. It’s almost unrecognizable on most occasions.

Tonight Ray is loud and funny and Walt absolutely loves him for that. He doesn’t feel the need to get super drunk, but they pick up a couple of cold beers on their way back. Walt is full and quite happy at that moment. 

They watch old re-runs of Star Trek and go to bed way too late, but, really, this is one of the best things they have done in a very long time. It kind of makes it all better. 

They make love slowly and Walt enjoys the burn of it. It has been a while since they have taken the time to re-learn each other’s bodies. He knows life kind of sucks for those kinds of things, but maybe all of them really needed a wake-up call. He doesn’t even remember falling asleep pleasantly spent and tired.


	3. Apple pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walt is at a loss of what to do with his stubborn boyfriends. He also thinks some apple pie is in order.

Brad coming home turns out to be way more exciting than Walt had thought. His mind has been circulating around the day more than he wants to admit to Nate or Ray, or Brad for that matter.

They get the news via Brad’s mom, and Walt marks the calendar in their kitchen. Brad is not one for large displays, but Walt knows he still appreciates the appreciation on their part. A good cook-out is what Brad likes, so he stocks up on beer in the fridge and buys everything they might need. 

Brad’s parents are meeting him at the airport, and they are going out for dinner when all the paperwork has been dealt with. Walt knows that Nate has been invited, but he and Ray are going to see Brad the next day. He understands, he does. However, it doesn’t mean that his blood is buzzing any less.

The day turns out grey and tense. The mood in the house, is already low when Walt gets to the kitchen for breakfast. Ray’s eyes look stormy and Nate just looks stressed and tired. He’s been studying for tests, exams, writing papers, and Walt can’t blame the guy for being exhausted.

He gets a cup of coffee and takes a sip, letting himself enjoy the first hit of caffeine, before he looks at his two boyfriends.

“All right, what’s going on?” he doesn’t remember Nate coming to bed last night, but he doesn’t remember Ray being there either. It’s not too alarming, as there is the guest bedroom and Nate would sometimes crash on the couch anyway, if his studying sessions would stretch well into the early morning hours. However, the murderous look that passes from Nate to Ray and back is alarming.

Ray just sighs, dumps his own coffee in the sink, before leaning in to kiss Walt.

“It’s nothing,” and Walt doesn’t believe him. “I got to go, boys. See you tonight”.

He doesn’t kiss Nate goodbye.

Walt takes a deep breath, before sitting down opposite Nate and nudging his foot with his bare toes.

“And if we pretend to be adults for a second here, what is going on?”

Nate offers him one of those soft smiles, that always make all of them melt like chocolate ice cream on central heating.

“I think we’re both just tense,” he offers an explanation, and Walt thinks about it for a second.

Walt thinks for a moment. He lets his mind travel back and around the last couple of days. Something had shifted between Ray and Nate, but Walt had totally missed it. He remembers coming into the room a couple of times, and the conversation suddenly switching to something else. 

Ray has been moody. Normally he is like an octopus in bed, his long limbs are always somewhere on all of them, because despite what he says, Ray likes to touch his partners. It gives him grounding, and makes him happy. Walt likes waking up with Ray’s arms around him. They fit together, and if he has a nightmare or is restless, Ray’s arms tighten around him, and his brain comes down from the fight or flight routine.

It’s simply how it has always been. Nate is less of a cuddle monster when he’s asleep. He is more of a presence of ‘safe and secure’ that Walt likes. He’ll often link their fingers together before falling asleep and not let go during the night, as if anchoring himself and his partners. 

Because of how busy their lives are, it’s no wonder how much of an impact mood and exhaustion, and other simple things impact the mood of the house. Sometimes Walt just sits outside with a cold beer while Ray and Nate growl out their frustrations. They are both too stubborn for their own good, and there is competitiveness between them. Besides, Ray has a tendency to rile Nate up when Nate is least ready to react in a controlled way.

So Walt thinks about the last couple of days and the tense lines of Nate’s face, and the rigid stance of Ray’s shoulders every time both of them are in the same room.

“It’s about Brad coming back, right?”

This whole Polyamory thing is sometimes still strange to him. Before he met his boyfriends, Walt considered himself to be an average guy with no added kinks. Turns out, life is not that black and white, but he enjoys it. It’s the public outings and other occasions where they have gravitated towards the double date, two plus two model. And, of course, Brad’s job doesn’t help either.

“Nate, I’m not stupid. And I have ears,” Walt is getting frustrated now. Most of the time he manages to turn the tide, and both of these stubborn idiots will have a long heart-to-heart and angry sex. However, it doesn’t seem like this is going to be the case this time, because Walt simply has no idea what the hell has happened.

He has no idea how he managed to land the most stubborn boyfriends in the whole Marine Corps history, but here he is, trying to un-fuck these things, flying blind.

“I need a holiday,” Nate says, getting up and dumping his own cold coffee in the sink, before he kisses Walt’s hair. “I’ll probably be home late”.

He’s out the door before Walt manages to say anything. The younger man closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh. He counts to ten. Twice. Then Backwards.

Brad’s not going to be happy about the way things now seem to stand between them, but Walt has no idea how to start making it better, because he doesn’t have a clue what the hell has happened in the last two or three days. It’s like a parallel universe has suddenly imploded on them in a Freaky Friday kind of way that requires some answers.

He has his own class to go to, deadlines to catch and notes to read, but he considers skipping it altogether. Perhaps when his boyfriends have retrieved their brain capacity, he can start worrying about the stack of books he needs to read before his exam, and a paper that was already due a week ago.

He has started, really, but somehow other things have managed to grab his attention. The instant gratification monkey is a very happy creature in Walt’s head. However, the situation at the home front needs an ASAP resolution.

Brad is coming home today, and Walt decides that an apple pie should be in order, before anything else. Nervous or anxious baking is absolutely Walt’s thing. It takes off the edge, lets him think and analyse situations better, and means he blasts Iron Maiden and AC/DC as loud as he wants.

Maybe when his two other boyfriends pull their heads out of their asses, they can actually all sit down, have food and then welcome Brad back as they should – with a lot of sex and a lot of cuddling afterwards.

Walt likes the idea.

He gets out the notebook he has started to keep for recipes, and puts on Thunderstruck. The buzz of the oven takes his mind off things. 

Making pastry is one of those things his grandmother has taught him. Besides, she would hit him with a rolling pin if he cheated with a shop bought pastry. No, he still to this day makes his own.

Apples are chopped with a military precision, Walt notes, and he lets them stew for a bit before they are ready to be cooled down and added to the sugar and cinnamon mix. Cranberries, apples, cinnamon and sugar, what’s not to like?

He hums under his breath to Sweet Child of Mine and presses down on the pastry edges, making sure that they are properly sealed. Trims off any excess pastry with a knife and then shows the thing in the oven.

The pie will give him enough time to actually do some schoolwork, so he washes his hands, cleans the surfaces and hangs up the apron to get his school books and notes. 

The timer is on for half an hour, which is a decent enough space of time to be able to finish some things he has started. He does like being productive, because of the sense of satisfaction that normally follows these 'being productive' outbursts of his.


	4. Two Steps from Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad is back. Perhaps everything is going to turn back to normal again. There is an itch under Walt's skin, but he doesn't know what to do about it.

Brad has been eager to get home from this deployment for a while now. He’s sick of dust and sand and the eerie sound of the sirens in the air calling in airstrikes and explosions. Now he’s ready to be back, sit behind a desk somewhere on base Stateside and go home to his boyfriends, and drink a cold beer after work.

The reality turns out different than he has imagined. Maybe his expectations have simply been too high. He is oddly glad that his parents are there to meet him instead of his boyfriends. Oh wait... what boyfriends. Technically they just share a house.

Brad could live on base, but when they decided to try this thing between the four of them, it just seemed more practical to basically find a house together. Nate's name is on all the documents, along with Walt's. It made sense at the time. That phone call not so long ago plays in Brad's head as his parents greet him and they make their way out of the airport, mixed in the steady stream of marines. Phone calls were a rare privileged over there and Brad usually talked to Nate or his mother if he had the time. To receive a call from Walt had been different and a little alarming.

Brad trusted Walt's judgement maybe even more than anybody else's. Ever since OIF and as they grew closer, their relationship morphing and changing itself along the way. He knows he has chosen the right people, even if all of them can be pretty stubborn at times. Once he's finally free to get home, Brad feels himself slightly nervous. It is a strange feeling, since there is absolutely no need to be nervous. It's like that slight tremor in his fingers before boarding the bus to boot camp.

He puts on music and gets in the car. Driving anything besides military issue vehicles makes him relax and he hums to the music all the way home. It's afternoon and he doesn't expect anyone to actually be home, as Nate and Walt usually have classes and Ray works, but he steps over the threshold and a distant humming reaches his ears. Walt, no doubt, because Nate rarely has the habit and Ray just hollers terribly off-key even though he can actually sing. Brad stands in the doorway and waits. There is simply no rush.

''You're home,'' Walt's voice rings out in the silence of the kitchen and suddenly Brad has his arms full of an energetic ex-marine. 

''I thought about calling ahead,'' he says, ''but in the end it just seemed a silly thing to do...''

Walt's lips seal over his, and Brad forgets what he was about to say. It doesn't matter anyway, because he's home and he has one of his boyfriends...right. There.

When they break apart, Brad looks at Walt. He notes all he little changes in his boyfriend's face. He looks tired and unhappy, and Brad would consider himself a really crappy Recon Marine if he hadn't noticed this.

''Where's the rest of the gang?'' he asks once Walt actually allows him to sit down and puts a cup of fresh coffee in front of him. 

The younger man tenses and grips his own mug so hard his knuckles turn white.

''I don't really know. I don’t even know if Ray came home last night. I know Nate's been sleeping in the guest bedroom”. 

''In other words, they are fighting but wouldn't say why or what's wrong, and you are trying to be the messenger,'' Brad concludes, suppressing a sigh.

Perhaps his homecoming isn't going to be as awesome as he had previously imagined.

Walt just shrugs and offers a sheepish grin. Maybe Brad is the person who can kick Nate's and Ray's backsides back into gear, because Walt is honestly tired of their stupidity and the fact that none of them are home long enough to actually spend time together.

''It's just frustrating,'' he says after chewing on his bottom lip for a moment.

''Oh, don't worry,'' Brad assures his lover. ''I know exactly the medicine those two need''.

There is something dark in Brad's voice. Like a distant, brewing thunderstorm after a hot summer day. It's kind of refreshing and calming. Walt allows his shoulders to relax and he buries his nose in Brad's shirt, fitting perfectly against the taller man. This is what home feels like.

“Are you hungry?” he finally asks, sighing again and pressing his mouth to Brad’s neck for a fleeting moment, before he unfolds from Brad’s arms and moves to clear the kitchen table from his books and notes.

“I’m good. Could do with a beer, though,” Walt grins to that and opens the fridge, pulling out two bottles and handing one to Brad.

“Glad to see you haven’t stopped drinking decent beer and under Person’s influence gone to his whiskey tango inbred habits,” the taller man rumbles, making Walt throw his head back and laugh.

It’s the sight and a sound he as wholeheartedly missed and is not ashamed to admit it to himself and to anyone who asks. Well, he ain’t telling just like that. DADT is an absolute cretinism, but it’s still the law.

He keeps a photo of all four of them in his wallet and he had one in his uniform, tucked away for safe keeping. It’s not an intimate photo, so if anyone ever asked, he could easily recall stories from OIF and all those fiascos. He has retold the story a couple of times to the newest and youngest additions to his latest platoon, and it makes him laugh bitterly when he remembers their awe-struck faces.

He doesn’t remember OIF with any heroics. He remembers a screwed up country, a lot of small arms fire, a bridge that could have been the end of them. He remembers blood and stupid decisions and officers whose heads were up their asses way too far.

Maybe that is the reason he carries the photo. To remind himself, that they actually all came home. If his country calls Brad will go, but otherwise – he is ready to sit behind the desk for a while. His warrior spirit is not broken, but he doesn’t have the same urgency to get killed anymore.

Walt’s voice brings him out of his thoughts and Brad smiles. It feels really good to finally be home.

“I’m done with revision for tomorrow, so I can shuffle these back where they came from,” Walt says, stacking his notebooks on top of each other.

“Let me call Nate and let’s go sit outside. It would be nice to sit on the ground that isn’t pure sand and is not threatening to swallow you up when the Shamal moves in”.

Walt doesn’t listen to his conversation with Nate. He sets his books down in the spare bedroom and takes a moment. Brad is home and Walt has no yet allowed the overwhelming sensation of relief and joy, and love to wash over him properly. It’s like he’s expecting the storm to hit, and doesn’t want to be stranded on a deserted island… like the past week.  
“Walt! You coming?” Brad’s voice booms through the house and Hasser turns on his heels, stoves his strange thoughts and these weird feelings someplace else, and walks through the house all the way to the back door, stepping outside where Brad is sitting on the grass, finishing up his conversation on the phone and then looking back at Walt.

His smile is all teeth. It’s almost predator-like, but makes Walt grin in return and sit down next to him, clinking their beer bottles together.

“To Gunny Colbert coming back from that hell hole,” he says, leaning in to steal a kiss.

“To Marine Corps not fucking us up too badly this time,” Brad echoes, between kisses.

It’s sweet and it’s like everything Walt thought it would be. Like it always is when Brad is home and not on duty. Or when Nate and Ray aren’t being stupid.

“We’ll talk when they get home,” it’s almost like Brad is reading his mind and it’s kind of creepy.

“Get out of my head you crazy Viking mofo,” he tries to sound scandalized, but Brad just laughs it off.

Damn Colbert and his warp speed brain. Too smart for his own good anyway. 

They talk about this and that, Brad talks about the sandbox as much as he can. A lot of that information is classified, and Walt doesn’t really mind not knowing the details. He tells Brad about school and the possible company.

‘’I’ve gone back to the shooting range to get myself back on track,’’ he says, taking a pull out of his bottle. ‘’Otherwise with all these academics I’m getting rusty’’.

‘’You’ll be fine. Shooting is one of those things you can easily train for. You’ve got a good eye,’’ Brad nods his approval.

‘’Thanks. It feels like riding a bicycle, you know?’’

‘’It is exactly that way. You have all the necessary basics drilled into you so if someone woke you up in the middle of the night, you could still recite them off the top of your head’’.

‘’I’m pretty sure I could. That training is for life’’.

‘’So who’s being the ass this time around?’’ Brad finally does reach for the elephant in the corner and Walt lets out a sigh.

‘’Who the fuck knows. I think they both miss you, but are too stubborn to just say it outright, so their own frustration unfortunately sets in,’’ Walt says.

Brad nods and puts an arm around Walt’s shoulders. Hasser has always been a good observer and a good judge of character. He notices things, even if he doesn’t say anything out right. 

‘’I’m sorry you get to be in the middle of that,’’ he eventually says, dropping a kiss in his boyfriend’s sandy hair.

‘’Oh well, we make do, you know? I definitely understand them being frustrated. I mean the last couple of weeks all three of us had to deal with a lot if crap,’’ he says, voice thoughtful. ‘’Nate is trying to do finals, besides, he’s double-majoring, so that workload sucks. Ray has a new job he loves, but he’s still doing courses and they are expecting a lot of him…’’

He has to take a breath here and collect his thoughts for a moment. Walt knows he has the tendency to ramble a little when he’s trying to think and talk at the same time. Brad is patient though, he lets Walt find the thread of thought in his own time.

‘’It’s easy to take the frustration out on someone who is always right there, you know? And then everything annoys you – dirty dishes, old socks, dinner not being on time, no beer… you name it. Of course, you could talk about what frustrates you…’’

At this Brad has to laugh. 

‘’Nate pulls the whole grown-up act off quite well, but really… he can be as bad as Ray. They are sometimes five years old and they still need a babysitter. I’m sorry I’ve been away and I know you won’t be the one to set them straight’’.

Walt wants to protest, almost feeling offended, but Brad simply raises his hand to stop him from talking. Even though Brad is no longer his Sergeant, it still works like a charm.  
‘’I don’t mean that you can’t, and you know it. I also know that you love those idiots way too much to try and confront them… we’ve been there, remember? We know how that ends’’.

Walt nods, shoulders sagging a little bit. He does remember. There is a reason why Walt doesn’t just stand in the doorway and demand reasonable explanations from his boyfriends. They did it once and he doesn’t want to repeat the experience.

‘’They also love you, Walt. They don’t want to hurt you or burden you, because you’re working like a horse to study, to pull this company thing off and also, to keep the house in an order of some sort’’ Brad takes Walt’s face in his hands and kisses his boyfriend.

Nate and Ray are sometimes quite selective. They have attention to detail and the smarts, but sometimes they are typical guys. Brad is the same. Walt is more capable of shifting his focus on things that matter the most at any given time. He is also capable of multi-tasking. Sometimes Brad thinks that this comes from not only growing up in a large family, but also the fact that Walt was their .50 cal gunner. 

‘’They’ll come around,’’ Walt says after stealing another long kiss. ‘’Now that you are back and can actually whip them back into submission’’.

Brad’s laugh is almost pornographic. This is one of the reasons Walt loves all three of these men so much. They are all so different from each other and yet – they come together as a cohesive unit. It’s easier to be with men he knows, men who have been through similar experiences he has. This kind of understanding goes deeper than Walt could ask from any civilian partner he’s ever had. They simply wouldn’t understand. And he doesn’t want them to.

This, he thinks, this is truly what home feels like.


	5. As You Like It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much of what is best in us is bound up in our love of family, that it remains the measure of our stability because it measures our sense of loyalty.

Walt is cooking dinner when he hears Nate's car pull in the driveway. He knows it's Nate's, since Ray still drives his dusty old pickup truck that has screechy brakes and it still stinks of a mix between burger sauce and Jack Daniels that Ray spilled on the seat six months ago.

Sometimes Ray is one of the most mature individuals Walt knows and some days he is still about 15 years old and crazy. Walt loves Ray, but a good smack upside the head has never really hurt anyone. Brad is quite good at delivering. Nate is not one for violence unless it also brings pleasure.

Walt turns around when Nate’s key opens the door, making sure his onions aren’t burning. Nate looks tired and there are dark circles under his eyes. Walt suddenly feels guilty, since he wants Brad to fix them. His heart constricts painfully, because he doesn’t know how to do it himself. Well, there is not much he can do when Nate won’t let him in any more than Ray does. It irritates him, it hurts and it makes him angry.

Nate takes the beer that Walt holds out to him and goes to kiss Brad. The smile on Nate’s face could probably light up their entire house for a few months. And it’s one of the greatest things to see.

“Has Walt been spilling all our dirty secrets?” Nate finally asks, sneaking an arm around Brad’s waist.

“Yeah, that’s what he’s been doing all right,” Brad says, dropping a kiss on Nate’s head. Nate is not actually a short guy, but the again Brad’s at least 17 feet tall. Walt looks at them and suddenly has this lump in his throat, because he sees family and that’s exactly what he now needs.

He turns the stove off and steps closer to Nate and Brad who automatically include him in the embrace. He feels Nate’s lips on his forehead and has to fight back that lump once more. Brad’s fingers settle firmly on his neck to ground him, applying steady pressure.

‘’I think you have some explaining to do,’’ Brad finally says and Nate lets out a sigh, but he node. 

Nate has never been one to run away from issues or problems. He is always straight forward and he doesn’t mind criticism as long as it is both given and taken, so this behaviour is new from him. 

Nate cups Walt’s cheek and leans in for a proper kiss. It has been a while since they’ve kissed without the note of…something else in the background. Walt’s an empath so he always knows if something is going on. He cannot read minds, though.

“Sorry I’ve been an ass, Walt,” Nate even sounds tired and the younger man only shrugs.

“It’s ok. I just hate when you and Ray fight and then pretend that if you don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist at all,” he offers Nate a smile.

“Yeah well, we haven’t been all that nice to you these past few days, and I’m sorry. I think it has been a few trying weeks. Finals are close and I’m stressed out. I haven’t been sleeping well and I have been waspish… I haven’t been fair to you or Ray.”

‘’I know you’re stressed… I just wish you’d allow us to help you, you know? The little things. I try to get you to come to bed and eat real food, and…’’ Walt falls silent, surprised by his own outburst.

‘’I’m sorry. I know. I… I have no excuse, really,’’ Nate admits, and Walt hugs him as tight as he can.

It’s not about performance at the home front. It’s about insecurity. None of them are really ready to admit that insecurity exists in all of them. They are marines, they don’t have those kind of issues. Except they are all also human, so they are not spared.

“You can make it up to me later then,” Walt grins and wiggles his eyebrows, making Nate laugh.

He has one of those laughs that fills the room and makes everybody around him at least smile.

They make dinner while Nate’s in the shower and about 20 minutes later they hear Ray’s truck pull in as well.

“God I wish he would get rid of that piece of scrap metal,” Brad mutters and Walt has to agree. He hates Ray’s truck with vengeance. It stinks and looks horrible. Besides, it’s bright yellow.

“Well maybe he’ll let you convince him that that’s his best option as soon as he comes in,” Walt tries and Brad snorts. As if.

“Hey Walt, what’s…” Ray starts, but stops dead in his tracks once his eyes see Brad. “Nobody told me the Viking has returned from his crusade,” he says and is over there in three large steps.

Brad wraps his arms around Ray’s shorter form and kisses him hard on the mouth. Walt thinks it looks hot. But then again once Ray is not covered in mud and dust and sweat, and once he actually has normal clothing on, Walt finds Ray very handsome. He has really hot boyfriends. They are also complete idiots sometimes, but it’s OK.

Ray manages to wrap an arm around Walt as well and pulls him into a strange hug that’s super uncomfortable, because the angle is all weird, but Walt doesn’t really give a shit.  
Unless Ray makes him burn their dinner and then Walt is super pissed.

Walt closes his eyes when he feels Nate join the hug.

“I’m Sorry,” he murmurs in Ray’s ear and the other man nods. Ray rarely says he’s sorry, but everyone knows how to tell that he’s trying to apologize.  
“Yeah. Sorry Walt, we didn’t mean to be mean,” Ray says kissing Walt’s cheek before he has to slide out of the arms that have encircled him to actually not burn their dinner.  
“It’s fine. Dinner is ready.”

“Thank fuck, I’m starving,” Brad groans and it makes the rest of the chuckle.

They sit down and Brad hums in appreciation of real food in quite a while. MREs are great, but nothing compares to home cooking. And he finally allows himself to take a deep breath and feel at home.

The conversation is light. Nate tells Brad about his job and his studies, as does Ray and Walt pitches in every now and then. Brad talks about his deployment, his unit and his future plans to permanently stay out of active war zones.

‘’Are you serious?’’ Nate asks when Brad breaks the news.

‘’Yea, yea I am. I’ve had my fun in the sandbox,’’ Brad nods, sipping his beer. ‘’They’re offering me a position at Quantico. After my leave ends, we’ll have to dot some i’s and cross some t’s but I think I’ll take it’’.

‘’It would be awesome to have you closer to home,’’ Walt says, chewing on his food, trying not to appear too eager. 

‘’Would that mean you get to actually come home in the evening?’’ Nate asks, sipping his beer.

‘’That’s what it would basically be. Quantico is pretty close to here and I’d get to either ride my bike to work or get a car of some description, but I’d get the opportunity to come home’’.

Maybe this little ray of stability is exactly what they all need. It’s all slowly coming together for all four of them. Nate is getting close to finishing school, Walt’s progressing well and Ray’s almost done too. With all of them slowly piecing together what their life might look in a year or two Brad being close is exactly what they need.

Sleeping in the bed next to Brad is something Walt has missed doing so much that it’s not even funny. That’s how he wakes up the next morning – his head pillowed on Brad’s chest and holding Nate’s hand while Ray is blowing soft puffs of air onto his neck, his hand joining Nate's on Brad’s stomach.

He kisses Brad’s chest and feels content for the first time in weeks.


	6. The simple things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is nothing really better than just looking up and seeing Brad drinking a beer and shouting at the TV screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God this took me sooo long, didn't it? I have updated all chapters but you most likely won't notice. However, the chapters are longer, I hope they make more sense now and here is another one. 
> 
> All mistakes are my own, and I don't own anything, of course.
> 
> Comments greatly appreciated. ^^

Walt feels Nate leave in the morning. He always goes for a run before work, and sometimes Walt doesn’t mind joining him. Not this morning, however. This morning he is content to stay in Brad’s arms. 

Ray sighs half an hour later and groans before he has to leave the bed because his alarm wouldn’t shut up. 

‘’You’re not getting up?’’ Walt mumbles into Brad’s chest, only to receive a soft rumble as a response.

‘’I’m on leave’’.

‘’No paperwork?’’

‘’Not this fucking early. Shut up and go back to sleep’’.

Walt dozes peacefully for a while, before he feels Brad get up. He has no class for the rest of this week, just a ton of homework he really needs to finish, before they kick his ass, so it is not really a day off. It just has a later start.

He feels the bed dip in a little bit and opens his eyes, still a little sleepy and smiles up at Brad. 

‘’I miss your hair long,’’ he says and Brad grins.

When Brad last was on a long leave, he let his hair grow out quite a little bit, and Walt had commented that it gave him an Australian surfer look.

‘’It’ll get there faster than you know,’’ Brad muses, leaning down to kiss Walt good morning.

He’s already showered and dressed and Walt can smell the peppermint shower gel and shampoo he uses. It still fascinates him of how different and yet similar all three of his boyfriends are. 

All four of them enjoy scented candles, they like peppermint and cherries. Nate is more of a orange and cinnamon kind of guy, but he still uses whatever Walt has picked up. They all like classic rock and pizza. Walt is always in a deep debate over the pineapple with Ray who swears that there will be no pineapple on his pizza. He eats the pineapple though before he eats the pizza itself.

Walt and Brad love speed. Walt knows that adrenaline rush is Brad’s coping mechanism. That and the ocean. Nate is more controlled but both him and Ray love the ocean too. Nate’s skin burns too quickly so he has to be careful while the rest of them just tan like nobody’s business. Brad burns a little bit, and Walt swears he must have some actual Viking blood within him somewhere. 

Since Brad is an adopted kid, he has never met his real parents, but also has never asked. He doesn’t really care about that. His mom is his mom, and that’s the end of the story. She is also one of the most amazing women Walt has ever met. 

‘’Are you going to get up or are you going to be lazy the whole day?’’ Brad asks and Walt grins at that. 

‘’There’s bonuses to either option, but I need to do some homework, so I guess getting up it is’’. 

So he gets up and showers while Brad is making breakfast. One of the things Walt never expected was the love of cooking Brad shares with his mother. Ray can barely boil an egg and would survive on pizza and take out if nobody cooked. Nate is brilliant when the grilling season kicks in and the only rival for the best grill-master is Pappy, and Walt simply knows how to cook. 

He does remember watching his mother do it for him and his sisters, but never really learning until he was on his own. There wasn’t a great deal of that involved when he joined the corps, but now there is a sense of fulfilment and joy every time he experiments with new food. Besides, it keeps the other beasts fed and content. It is possible that Walt has turned into his own mother.

‘’Nate’s exam season is opening soon,’’ Brad says over breakfast and Walt nods. 

Nate is currently working and doing as many distance learning courses as he can, but quite often he either flies or does the eight hour drive to Cambridge to actually sit in class, pass tests and present papers. Walt sometimes goes with him if there’s time. It’s good for networking and he can work on things while they are in the car or in the air.

It’s not very convenient, but it’s not the worst kind of arrangement. They rent a place for two weeks to a month when Nate has to be up there, because hotel bills would be impossible. Nate dislikes hotels. He says they feel too sterile for him. 

‘’We could all go. Rent a place, stay up there, support Nate and explore the area a little bit. We haven’t gone to a nice dinner in quite a while…’’ 

‘’Like real adults, you mean?’’ Walt teases and Brad nods.

‘’Yeah, like real adults or so’’.

‘’Well, if you manage to jump through all the hoops and loops it takes to get leave when Nate’s exams start – I’m quite flexible these days. I have two important exams to pass, but the rest of my year is homework, projects and papers’’. 

‘’Well, don’t let me interrupt you. I’ve been dying for a lazy day,’’ Walt kicks Brad’s foot under the table, but he knows his partner is right.

Business before pleasure and no pleasure before homework. It’s one of those habit Brad has never allowed himself to break. Nate is the same. When he is in all business mode, he dislikes being distracted. 

Walt and Ray would easily allow themselves be distracted if a proper incentive was presented, but their boyfriends are quite adamant that business comes first. So Walt clears the table and grabs his laptop and his books while Brad shuffles around the living room. It’s kind of strange seeing Brad in shorts and a t-shirt. Walt thinks he looks quite dashing in a uniform, but then again he’s biased, and Brad just looks good – with or without clothes.

He thinks they could get used to this level of domesticity.

Brad starts up the Xbox to jump right into Fallout he has yet to finish completely. He’ll give Walt a couple of hours of peace before he’ll either suggest they play Mario Kart or go out for lunch. 

Brad always picks Bowser. He says it’s his lucky Mario Kart character, but Walt is convinced that it’s simply the amount of bike riding he’s done that has prepared him for tackling any new map that comes out on Mario Kart.

Brad is Bowser, Walt is Princess Peach, Nate plays rarely, but Ray says he’s Yoshi, and Ray is Donkey Kong. 

It seems that they have used the same characters ever since they first got together, and Brad has grown fond of their little competitions. He loves seeing his boys open and relaxed, a little fuzzed maybe, but happy.

The image of burning buildings, bullets whizzing past and the pain in Walt’s blue eyes is something Brad will never forget. He clearly remembers Nate’s frustration, and the irritation he felt when the command screwed them up.

He knows they can all take care of themselves, but there is a protectiveness within him that flares up where his partners are concerned. Of course, he doesn’t talk about it, but they know anyway. They are quite similar in this way.

So they do what they do best – Brad plays Fallout and Walt works on his homework. They don’t really speak apart from those few occasions when Brad talks to the game and Walt growls in frustration over this or that question he is currently trying to answer. It’s an easy silence full of camaraderie, and neither of the men mind not talking. Walt finds it easy this way, it allows him to concentrate (let’s be honest, Ray is way too distracting) and he gets a reward in the end (and doesn’t have to repeat a year at school).

‘’What are you working on?’’ Brad asks while he has paused the game and gets up grab another mug of coffee.

Even on leave his coffee intake is notorious. Sometimes he thinks that if there was no caffeine in his system, it would simply stop functioning.

‘’Oh I have to finish a couple of questions, an start a business essay,’’ he says, chewing on the end of a pencil.

‘’Have you picked a topic?’’ Brad stops behind Walt while the kettle boils and rubs his shoulders, making Walt groan in pleasure.

Brad leans down and nuzzled Walt’s neck, and the younger man gladly grants him access, closing his eyes and letting out a moan. 

‘’I think I’m going to write about the idea that businesses that are product oriented tend to be more successful than those who are market oriented,’’ Walt finally gets out while Brad is gently sucking on a spot on his neck.

‘’And you want to use your own as an example?’’ Brad urges Walt to keep talking, while his fingers dig a little deeper into Walt’s shoulders.

‘’Well, I would love to, but it will be a while before we see if the business is going to survive. Their previous top people have kind of fucked up massively’’.

‘’Well if you put your mind to it, I’m sure you’ll figure something out’’.

‘’Not if you keep distracting me’’.

‘’I would never…’’ Brad tries to sound scandalized, but he is grinning shamelessly and Walt turns his head to kiss him properly.

Walt does feel like a teenager sometimes, but every time he gets to make out with his boyfriends, he gets excited. It doesn’t matter if they’ve done it five times or a hundred. 

Besides, Brad has been gone for quite some time, and so Walt doesn’t feel guilty about taking a break to make out with him.

Brad’s mouth is hot and hungry and the angle is all wrong, but it’s super-hot and Walt can’t complain.

Maybe the homework can wait for just a little bit. He deepens the kiss and Brad moans into his mouth.

‘’What was that about a distraction?’’

‘’I can live with a little bit of that’’.

Brad grins and pulls Walt with him into their bedroom. He certainly can live with a little bit of distraction. He peels off Walt’s t-shirt and proceeds to suck on the junction between his neck and shoulder. 

‘’Please don’t leave a mark where I can’t hide it,’’ Walt moans, pulling off Brad’s shirt.

He doesn’t mind marks, but his potential business partners might not be so forthcoming. Brad knows it too, so he bites down on Walt’s nipple instead, making the other man groan when pain and pleasure burst through him like a flurry of fireflies.

Brad peels off Walt’s shorts and boxers and balances himself on one arm to get rid of his own, before wrapping a hand around Walt’s hot length. 

‘’You are so beautiful,’’ he breathes, watching his lover arch into his touch.

He has missed this. The countless nights he has spent dreaming about being able to do this. With each and all of his partners. The countless combat jacks he has endured just by remembering every curve on his boyfriend’s bodies. And now he wants to savour the moment. Trace each line again to re-introduce himself to them and learn about all the things that had changed. Deployments are long and they usually suck.

The feeling of Walt’s mouth sliding against his neck distracts him, and he reaches for the lube and fishes out a condom. He hates them, but it’s his policy after every deployment – he only has unprotected sex after he’s undergone tests. Not that Brad would sleep around during a deployment or…ever, but it’s a good precaution to have  
He takes his time to stretch Walt open. It’s been a while and Brad is not exactly lacking in the size department. Besides, making his lover wait is part of the fun. When Walt has been reduced to a begging mess, Brad finally slides home. It’s exactly how it feels when the tight heat of Walt’s body surrounds him and his mouth seals over his in a bruising kiss. 

‘’I love you, god I love you so much,’’ Walt groans between kisses, and it doesn’t take them both long to reach the climax. 

Last night all of them had been way too exhausted and excited for Brad’s homecoming to be even remotely interested in sex of any description. Today…is a different matter, and Walt is still floating somewhere in a different dimension before he feels Brad pulling out and leaving the bed to clean up. He returns with a washcloth and Walt hums his appreciation when Brad settles back down next to him and pulls smaller man into his arms. Walt knows he will be sore in the best possible way, but now he’s content to lightly doze, head pillowed on Brad’s broad, muscular chest, listening to his heartbeat.


	7. Take me to church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow–this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”

They wake an hour or so later and move in familiar patterns around the house. Walt makes lunch while Brad goes to the nearby shop to grab some beers and some food for dinner. They need to go proper grocery shopping, but that can wait. Buying food for a household of four is no small undertaking, and, Ray can eat a lot just by himself.

When Brad gets back, Walt is just putting the pizza in the oven, and finishing his phone call with Nate. It’s another of their little domestic habits. If Walt is home or he gets home early, he gives Ray and Nate a call around lunchtime. If Brad is in a reachable distance he gets the same treatment. If Walt is at school, he’ll text. Half past one like clockwork. He’s never missed a day. There is a sense of belonging, and when Walt tried to apologize for it, he was shut down two seconds flat. They all know he does it because he cares.

‘’We could go to the beach on the weekend,’’ Brad suggests putting the beer away and opening two for him and Walt.

‘’Could do. We didn’t really have any plans’’.

‘’Cool. We’ll do that then… if the weather permits’’.

‘’It should be all right. Ray will love it. He’s been cooped up indoors for a while’’.

‘’It’s Ray. He can always tinker with one of his radios to keep him occupied,’’ Brad says in false annoyance.

‘’Oh shush. You know how cagey he gets’’.

‘’Contrary to a popular belief, he was my RTO, Walt, and I had to sit next to him in a crammed vehicle’’.

Walt just grins and that earns him a playful swat on the ass.

They eat pizza and drink beer. Walt does some more work, submits two of his five pending assignments after Brad has looked them over. It’s nearly five when they start the barbecue outside and put some logs into the fire pit.

‘’I could get used to this, you know,’’ Walt finally admits, grinning at Brad. ‘’Just having you guys around and enjoying evening like this’’.

‘’That sounds like a plan if you ask me,’’ Brad’s obviously in a good mood.

The reality is outside their home. There is no need to think of practical things or to worry about what the next day will bring. It’s simple, peaceful, and Walt thoroughly enjoys days like this. They don’t get enough of them.

Ray and Nate arrive almost at the same time, both looking tired, but the smell of burning wood seems to put some more life into both.

They spend that evening grilling meat, drinking beer and talking about stupid things. Walt is cosy sitting at Nate’s feet, feeling his fingers slowly slide through his hair. Ray is sitting on Brad’s lap and proceeding to suck a hickey on his collar bone. It’s lazy, but there is a sense of peace in the air.

‘’I think we should get married,’’ Ray finally says, getting up to get them some more beers.

‘’And how would we do that, genius?’’ Brad asks, raising an eyebrow, but there is no heat in his voice, just curiosity.

‘’Easy, Brad. You marry Nate and I’ll marry Walt so it’s all legal and shit, and then we can have a commitment ceremony for all four of us…’’ Ray’s voice becomes muffled while he is in the house.

Brad sighs and leans in to kiss Nate while his hand squeezes the nape of Walt’s neck. Ray has obviously given the subject some thought, and Walt just feels overwhelming love towards all of them. He personally wouldn’t care either way.

‘’Maybe once upon a time Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will no longer be a thing, Ray,’’ Nate says when their counterpart brings them beer. 

‘’Yeah, yeah, I know,’’ Ray sounds annoyed. Nate and Brad look at each other, and Brad stands up, hands his beer to Walt and wraps his arms around Ray from behind.

‘’I’d love to marry you. And Nate and Walt, Ray,’’ he murmurs, kissing the spot behind Ray’s ear and Nate’s fingers tighten in Walt’s hair.

Brad is choosing his words carefully, letting them hang in the air, not allowing Ray to hind behind a joke. It’s so easy to dismiss feelings when you have this much testosterone flying around the house. Ray doesn’t like talking about things like that, so they don’t. However, tonight feels different. Normally Brad teases him and they banter the ‘chick flick’ moments away and forget about them, but Walt knows how well Brad reads a situation. Sometimes moments like this matter.

‘’I know it frustrates you, but there is nothing much we can do about it. Just… keep the options open,’’ Ray nods, but his shoulders are tense.

Brad’s arms tighten around Ray’s waist and when Ray turns his head, Brad kisses him slow and deep. He is as frustrated as Ray sometimes, but none of them would do anything to jeopardize Brad’s career. It had been an agreement from the get-go. It’s way too important for Brad, and Walt, Ray and Nate refuse to question that.

‘’We’ll get there, love,’’ Nate says and Ray offers him a smile.

‘’Yeah… it just doesn’t seem fair, you know?’’ Ray shrugs and Brad lets go of him, so they can settle back down.

They don’t talk about it afterwards. 

Walt loves sleeping with his boyfriends. They have been together and learned each other’s bodies, learned what they like and how to push the right buttons. 

Walt feels safe and loved, snuggled between Nate and Ray after they have made him come three times and he’s boneless, exhausted, but warm and content. 

‘’I don’t know if we’ll be able to keep this up in 30 years’ time,’’ he says and Nate chuckles.

‘’We’ll have to work out more,’’ he suggests and Ray groans.

‘’This isn’t working out enough for you, Lt?’’

Brad bites the junction of Ray’s shoulder and neck, coaxing out a soft groan and driving his hips forward.

‘’Braaad,’’ Ray whines and Brad’s laugh is positively pornographic.

‘’I wish I could go again, but I think you have exhausted my capacity,’’ Brad says, but he still kisses all three of his boyfriends.

Walt lets out a content sigh as Nate’s arms tighten around him. 

They are all constantly touching. Walt had never thought it would be so important for him. However, it has become clear during the last years (has it really been years?) that he enjoys touching. Nate and Ray are naturally affectionate, even if Ray tries to hide it under jokes. Nate sometimes says that Ray is still at that ‘I want to be cool with my mates’ stage of high school. Brad has been the biggest surprise. He likes touching, and Walt feels his presence constantly. It’s sweet and makes him happy even though they don’t talk about it really.

Sometimes Walt even dreams about them, even though they are right there. It’s ridiculous, but he doesn’t complain. He collects moments and memories, so nothing is lost. Life is fragile as it is.

People die all the time. Life is a lot more fragile than we think. So treat others in a way that leaves no regrets. Walt doesn’t want regrets. There are enough of those already, considering that they have all been in the military for a sizable chunk of time. It tends to do that to people – show clearly what to regret and what to avoid.

It seems they have now agreed that marriage will be an open idea, but they’ll only talk about it seriously once Brad can freely marry whomever he wants without endangering his job. And if it never happens – it never happens. Walt doesn’t mind, nor do Nate and Ray, not really. They are almost married anyway, if he can judge by the shared cooking and cleaning, and shopping duties.

How positively domestic. His mom always teases Walt about this relationship. He had thought that their families would not understand, but it seems that they have taken to them like fish to water. That means that holidays and birthdays are loud and crowded affairs, but Walt wouldn’t change it for the world. It means too much to him. It’s too important.  
One day he’ll be able to ask the question. His gut feeling has never let him down and at this point it says to be patient and just wait. Good things will happen.


End file.
